The Myth of Self-Confidence and Success
As the saying goes, “You can never have too much self-confidence.”
Whoever said that is sorely mistaken though.
We’ve been told all our lives that having a high self-confidence will result in productivity, achievements, and ultimately a life of abundance.
Of course, it just follows that if you have the confidence in yourself that you can do whatever you want, you can achieve whatever you set your mind into. This, in turn, leads to a life of abundance because you are successful in all you do because of your confidence in your self.
Let me preface what I’m about to say with this: I have such a high respect for self-made people who climbed their way through the top and gave all they can for the pursuit of their dreams. Their success is well-deserved and I wish them all the luck and happiness in their endeavors.
However, what most of this successful people claim — that the key to all their achievements and where they are now is their self-confidence… it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.
Some might even go as far as to say that the formula of self-confidence is equal to success — it’s baloney.
Belief and confidence in yourself are essential, yes. You have to have the right mind frame in order to get to where you want to go or achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself. Remember, a goal without a plan is just a wish.
So setting your mind to have a time frame for your goals, and then having the self-confidence to do it is important. Make no mistake about it.
However, relying more on self-confidence or prioritizing it over hard work is a fatal mistake.
The most hardworking — or smart working — people tend to be the most successful. I make this distinction because of the new mantra of work smart, not just work hard. But nevertheless, you have to work.
Nobody gets successful or achieves something out of just pure belief or confidence in oneself. You have to have the right combination of self-esteem, work ethic, and relentlessness.
Overconfidence can be your success killer. It’s the most devastating trap you can fall into. Because having too much confidence in yourself will prevent you from going out of your comfort zone or exploring new things. What you know is enough, you say.
Using self-confidence as a tool for success is inefficient. Firstly, you will result in comparing yourself to others. Because you relying on your confidence in yourself as the primary motivating force for what you need to accomplish, there may be days when you will lose that confidence. As a result, you will be unproductive that day.
Too much self-confidence can also blind you to the truth that’s out there. You’re not realizing it, but your peers are already irritated with you. Or your manager is unsatisfied with your performance. But you don’t see this because you are trapped inside that self-confidence bubble that’s dangerously teetering on the edge.
If you also rely on self-confidence to be successful, you may tend to overestimate your abilities. This is very common among job seekers who are applying for jobs they are nowhere near qualified for. They’re so full in their heads that they think the “charisma” and “mystique” they have as an applicant would be enough to fill in the gaps in skills and credentials.
This kind of approach is super damaging because after five to six interviews, you find yourself losing that confidence because all those nos and rejections are slowly chipping away the self-esteem you’ve built.
Before you know it, you are suffering from anxiety due to a lack of confidence. You don’t want to apply anymore. You’re afraid to go out there and explore.
So what’ the best way to balance self-confidence?
Self-compassion.
Don’t kill yourself trying to live up to other people’s standards. Get to know yourself more. Who you are as a person and what you can bring to the table. That is why a company will hire you anyway — for who you are. So why should you exert to be who you’re not?
Londro Rinzler once said, “Kindness is not just about how you treat others; it’s rooted in how you treat yourself.” I think this beautifully sums up why self-care and self-compassion are so much important and leads to self-confidence.
Making up your confidence by anchoring it on superficial thing like what you wear, what you drive or what you own will erode in time because these things are moving targets. If you lose any of them, your confidence will erode as well.
But being kind to yourself will yield a different, deeper kind of confidence. It’s anchored on knowing that you are who you are, you love who you are, you know what you can and can’t do, and you are unapologetic and proud about it.
Self-compassion and self-love make you stronger. It produces an inherent confidence that can’t be manufactured. It’s a natural confidence in oneself that can’t be taken away by situations or circumstances.
So the real measure of success is not how much confidence in yourself can you muster, but how kind can you be to yourself? At this day and age, it’s what really counts.
